Thanksgiving is in 2 weeks...how did that happen?

Really? 2 weeks? How is that even possible?






So today was to be my day to start c25k...I was dreading it ALL.DAY.LONG. Nervous, worried, doubting myself...the list goes on and on. I bought a small little journal to carry in my purse...everywhere. I am journaling EVERYTHING. When i lost weight with WW I was obsessive about writing down what I wrote, and how I felt.  So I wrote in the journal this morning after packing my lunch. Planned out everything, down to dinner. Step in the right direction. Then those doubts about c25k started. So I did what I always do...texted the BFF and told her that I was doubting myself. Of course she had the best advice.

I will work out for 2 weeks and on Turkey Day I will begin c25k. yes....i will! I made it to the gym and lived to tell about it. I did 30 mins on the treadmill and 5 on the bike. I am not sure why I even do the bike...I hate it. My gym got all new equipment...which is awesome, but they got treadmills that no longer have the fans! BOO! I need that...I am a sweat machine!

I came home and made a super yummy dinner! Chicken Serenada from Trader Joe's, Couscous and asparagus! Yum!                                                                                                                                        

Thankful for...

What could be better...a Chargers win and the CMA's! Sweet! Finally the Chargers played well...for the most part :).
The Fit Camp challenge is now on to week 3. The first week I lost 1.1. Second week I was up .5...grrrr. But  a lot of motivation to kick my butt in to gear!
I went trick or treating last night with "Ariel" and "Spidey Bug".  Lots of fun! Talk about motivation...my sister took a picture of me holding my niece...I look like Jabba the Hut! No seriously....my neck is one big fat blob. SO. GROSS. I am vowing here and now to end this stupidity!

Here is what happened for dinner:

Salad, Flank Steak and Wine! YUM!

Breakfast at the office:

 Hope you all had a happy halloween!

Salad Obsessed!

I am obsessed with salads right now. I am having a big one with dinner and a small side of something to eat. Tonight it was frozen thin crust pizza and  I have to say it was yum-o.
Last weekend I was sick. Flat on my butt sick for 5 days. the great...awesome...news in all of that was that I lost between 8 and 10 pounds! Nice. although it was not the healthiest way...i will take it as a jump start. When I got on the scale this afternoon it said, 262.4, so that is down 5.3 pounds. sweet. my official weigh in day is on Wednesdays due to the Mama Laughlin Fit Camp Challenge. My team is the Hardcore Holly Jolly's! We are going to kick some booty! We start on Wednesday! And somehow I ended up being the team captain...awesome!
Happy Sunday!

Big F.A.T. wake up call!

I do believe I have had my wake up call. I take blood pressure medication and I have seen how my weight directly effects my pressure. I have a dad that has a serious heart condition and I know that I can inherit that from him. But do I do anything about it? No. Not until now that is.

I have had a headache since Sunday afternoon. It has been hot here and I just thought it was the weather and that I need to get my eyes checked. 
On Wednesday, I was at work for about 45 minutes when i started to get light headed, nauseous and shaky. I literally wanted to lay down on the floor in the bathroom. I gave it a little while thinking it would go away. It didn't so I ended up coming home. Long story short, I went to the Urgent Care last night. Basically I think it is my blood pressure. It was really high tonight, I'm talking 150/101. WTF?  I am a poor single girl and occasionally I can not get my prescriptions refilled on time. And so I was off my meds for awhile. The doc explained that that was probably why I have a headache and because my pressure is high. 
I stayed home again today and it is off and on better. I do think I might have a touch of a flu because I am sick to my stomach and sleeping a lot. 
I remember bargaining with God last night that if he would just let me feel better, I would never not take my meds and I would lose weight and work out. 

I honestly am a bit scared to go to my follow up appointment tomorrow. I am hoping my pressure is back down a bit. I hate seeing new doctors and frankly I know that they will tell me I am obese and need to lose weight. I KNOW THAT! 

Now is the time that I will do it. I had already signed up to do an 8 week program with my bff. According to my scale I have already lost a few pounds..,but of course  I do not believe it.
I am not going to let myself feel this way again. SO STUPID.

I have never put my weight out there and I am soooo mortified to do so, but I have to be held accountable. Will you help me?
Starting weight : 267.6

I have made a pinterest craft...what?...yes, I made something from Pinterest! It is a weight loss cup with glass bubbles that represent how much weight I need to lose. I'll snag a picture and post it :) 
I need to go this weekend and stock up on my fruits and veggies from the farmers market. 
I don't think there is anyone out there that reads this, but that is OK, I am doing this for me! isn't that what weight loss is all about? Oh, and because I want to be around for these two beautiful nieces of mine!

Something's gotta give...

Something.Has.To.Give. I have to get my big fat lazy arse to the gym!!! I went on Sunday, but have not gone since. Ugh...what is my excuse, oh that's right, I don't have one!

I am going to do the workout jar. For every work out, I am putting a $1 in my jar.  I have not made said jar yet, but I will this weekend and show it off. Also, gotta show off my brand new purple Nike's!! ;)

Anxiety...you will not kill me

For some reason I am riddled with anxiety tonight. No, that is not true, I know why. I just don't want to admit it to myself. I hate that one person can make me feel so uneasy. That my life feels upside down and not right when that one person is not here at this moment. My stomach is in knots, and all I want to do is cry, but the tears won't come.
This is going to be a long upcoming month. I am excited for the first part...going to Maui. I worry that I won't be able to get out of this "funk" while I am there. I know this shall pass too, it always does, and tomorrow is a new day. I hate those stupid cliches, but I use them all the time. When I don't have an explanation for what is going on in my life or why it is not a different way, I say "it is what it is".  That is total crap. I hate that saying.
I have always felt like I need to be perfect for everyone else and make everyone else happy.
I need to get back to exercising and maybe my mood will improve. All I can do is try and hope for the best. I just need this feeling to go away...and fast!

https://sites.google.com/site/perfectlyimperfectjennsite/files/currentlylinkup.png

I am trying for the first time ever to link up with Jenn at Perfectly Imperfect....love it! Hope this works :)

current book(s) - Does People Magazine count?? 

current playlist - Miranda Lambert "The house that built me", Adele "Rolling in the deep". I love music :)

current color - loving the bright pink and orange sunsets 

current food - I want some pizza!

current favorite show(s) - One Tree Hill ...so sad it is ending! "Hart of Dixie", "Guiliana & Bill".

current needs - to lose weight, to feel better about myselft

current triumphs - no soda today! Made my own coffee for work!

current banes of my existence - just finished a major project, so I am pretty good. 

current celebrity crush - loving the boys on One Tree Hill, Ryan Reynolds

current #1 blessing - my nieces...love them with all of my heart! 

current indulgence - guilty pleasure tv

current outfit - khaki skirt, black sweater

current excitement - to start the 9 week journey of c25k

current mood - good :)

current favorite quote or verse - "I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart" e.e. cummings

current wish list item(s) - some new clothes!

current favorite product(s) - loving my perfume "Feminine" by Dolce&Gabana

Motivation

So the last couple of days have been a little bit of an eye opener for me.  I participated in a 5k in Carlsbad, it was good, but I definately felt fat.  Then last night at the softball game, something clicked inside of me, I got mad, like pissed off mad that people view me as the fat girl.  Now, I know that is making an assumption because I don't view my friends that way, but it is just my twisted way of thinking.
Anyways, I am mad and going to take action...watch out...c25k here I come!

84 in March

I love living in Southern California! 84 degrees in March....yes, please. It was so nice out today. Apparently it was yesterday too but I didn't get out of bed until 11 am, hmmm, musta needed some sleep. So today, I took full advantage and managed to get up and going before 10am. I got my car washed and detailed and sat outside in the sunshine while waiting. Drove down the coast to La  Jolla to go to Whole Foods. Guitly pleasure, but it was just too nice not to see the ocean!
Then it was time to get home and get down to business. I had tons of laundry to do and lots of cleaning.  I ended up re-arranging my living room and bedroom.  2 hours and lots of sweat later, I was happy. Wanted to stay at home and veg out, but went to the gym...the best part...got to watch the last 1/2 hour of the sex and the city movie while walking on the treadmill.  Came home and made a big salad and a black bean chipotle burger..yum!
It has been a great weekend, and sadly it is over! :(
This week is a little bit slower until the weekend. So my workouts will go like this:
Monday - rest
Tuesday - gym, treadmill, bike (no softball game)
Wednesday - gym, treadmill, eliptical
Thursday- rest
Friday - gym, treadmill, bike
Saturday - rest - but will spend the day at a golf tournament, so there should be tons of walking involved.
Sunday - gym

I will let you know how it goes. :)

burn, burn, burn!

Finally went to the gym today and it felt so good! I am always so nervous about going to the gym after I haven't been for awhile. I feel like people are going to judge...oh here comes that fat girl.  silly, I know! :)
I am doing the Carlsbad 5000 - the 5k portion with my bff on April Fool's Day.  Too funny.  So my plan is to allow myself this week of walking on the treadmill followed up by a cool down on the bike and then next week get in to c25k.  I also joined an adult softball league with a bunch of friends. We play on Tuesday nights. i am proud to say that I HIT and made it to first base on my first at bat!! woot woot! I would have never guessed that. I had forgotten how much I love sports and how competitive I am! felt so good to get out there and play!

BURN, BURN, BURN

I made it to the gym today and it felt soo good! I always am embarassed to go back to the gym after not going for awhile.  :( But I did just fine! I am doing the Carlsbad 5000 - the 5k portion on April Fools Day with my bff. should be fun! So I am going to give myself this week to walk on the treadmill followed up by a cool down on the bike. Next week I will get back in doing the c25k to start my training.  It feels good to be exercising again!

Tonight I am headed over to mom and dads to watch the oscar's and have pizza...a tradition with my mom.  I also have one piece of birthday ice cream cake left over! yum!

I have such a bad habit of eating when I am bored. I have NO idea how to change that. I get bored at work in the late afternoon and then suddenly think I am starving....clearly I am not! I need to find some foods that are filling that will help with this a bit more.  This week at work I am really going to focus on eating every 2 hours. And no stopping for coffee until Friday....that should help my wallet too!

I am looking forward to a good week! :)

WW...here we go!

Joined Weight Watchers again today.  Yes, again. Oh, I don't know, maybe the 6th or 7th time.  :(
I am doing it online. I don't really like that I can't find a meeting to go to, but I just can't seem to find one that will fit in to my life and I am not planning on getting up at 7 am on a Saturday...boo.  I am going to buy a ww scale this weekend...does anyone have one? Opinions?

So tomorrow will be my first full day on WW.  Should be exciting.  I am having a hard time adjusting to my lunch break at my new job. For no other reason than, I have a tendency to want to leave for the 1/2hour....I have to figure out some kind of reward system for being able to leave.  hmmmm I will have to think on that.

A month late...

Ok, I am a month late with my resolutions but here it goes:

1. Finish c25k.
2. Run a 5k, 10k
3. Lose 50 lbs
4. Finish kitchen celing.
5. Be happy!

Life just seems to get more complicated as you get older...yes, that is rather obvious, I know.  Anyways, I feel like things are starting over with me, a new job is huge! I love it though.  Now, I just need to work on myself. I went to Sprouts today and bought $55 worth of healthy stuff. I am going to cut out carbs (again).  I am so fat that I don't even think that I can start the c25k at this point.  But my goal is to start it in a week.  I am going to get to the gym this week and walk on the treadmill.  I wish I had a treadmill at home.  I am embarrassed to go to the gym the way I look .

But the fight will go on...