Things don't always go as planned!

I am happy to say that Tuesday is just about done! I think I might just turn off the computer and get in bed after this post!

Today, my 18 month old niece spent the day with my grandma and then went to the urgent care where she was diagnosed with croup.  My grandma, who has dementia, was taken by ambulance to the ER because she fell and they need to do a CT scan of her head. She had surgery on her hip a few weeks ago and most recently broke her arm and now has a bright blue cast! She also has disabled the sensor on her wheelchair so that the nurses/staff do not know when she gets out of her chair. Oh, and she tried to eat a bingo chip. What? Even my baby niece hasn't tried this.

Did you think I was done? Nope...no, not even close. My grandma ended up in a different ER tonight because of chest pains. So, my mom, dad and I headed to the hospital.  The ER was flu city, so gross! I asked to wait outside so that I was not infected by the germs. By now it is nearly 8 pm, I have not worked out or had dinner.  I had already logged my points in to ww based on what I thought I was going to eat. So while my dad went in to see my grandma and grandpa, mom and I went to the cafeteria. I ordered a cheeseburger and made a salad.  Yes, that is correct, no french fries for this girl! I wasn't going to get a work out in, but I was not going to shove greasy, carb loaded fries in to my face! I felt a big sense of accomplishment...it is the little things!

Grandma ended up confusing pain in her shoulder (from the fall this morning) with chest pains. So she will be going back to the home shortly.  Now I sit here thinking that the phone will probably ring at any moment, with my mom telling me she is taking dad to the ER....keeping my fingers crossed that his chest pain goes away. This is a daily occurrence for him, so we usually just wait it out.

Needless to say, I scratched my workout and re-figured my points for the day. I still have 1 point left, not too bad.

I started Week 2 of c25k and it went well (on Sunday).  For some reason, it felt a little easy. We will see how the next day goes!

I have had enough of this day and am ready for bed!

Week 1 is D.O.N.E.!

Hi there!

Week 1 is dooooooooone! Tonight, nearly killed me. I am not sure what it was. I felt like a slug running. I did ok though. I kept telling myself...if biggest loser contestants can do more than this, you can do this....all this sweat is the fat crying! I seriously was sweating like there was no tomorrow. I was chugging the water, closing my eyes, playing mind games...anything! And then...I finished. ALLELUIA! 

Tuesday it is on to week 2. yikes. I seriously LOVE Mama Laughlin's Fit Camp on FB. Everyone is soooo encouraging. It freaks me out a little bit to have a blogger that I read comment on my status! OH MY LAWD...crazy. I would pee my pants if Mama herself ever did. 

I am beyond excited for Biggest Loser to start tonight! This is probably one of my favorite shows! I can not wait. 

I keep thinking about things that are coming up in my life that I do not want to be fat for.  Here are two. They may seem shallow...but true

* February 23rd going to see Tim McGraw and Faith Hill in Vegas! I want to be able to wear one of my cute outfits from AT Loft.  I have to lose a lot before that happens...but maybe I could buy something new to wear to it either way! 

* July 2013 - Family pictures in Maui.  I do not want to be the fat auntie in the picture. I want to be able to see a significant difference in the pictures from 3 years ago. I want to LOOK happy and to FEEL happy! 

I have decided that I will reward myself before Vegas for being on Week 8 of c25k with a gel manicure for the weekend and a pedicure. I haven't had a pedicure in probably a year and a half! So my first goal is 7 weeks away....I can do this. 

Weigh in at Weight Watchers on Tuesday. I am worried though because I haven't had any of my extra points to eat or eaten any of my activity points, I don't lose when I do that. THIS WILL CHANGE THIS WEEK - I WILL EAT THEM!!!!! 

Ok, BL is about to start ...wahooo.

xoxo 

New Year...2013

I have not blogged in almost 2 months. Yikes. ooops...but I don't think anyone missed it :) haha!

I joined WW for the 18th time. No, seriously, probably the 5th time? My first week I gained .6. How does that even happen? After consulting the BFF, she said I was not eating enough, and needed to eat my extra points. So the next week, I did just that, and lost 3.8.  WOOT WOOT!  I go to a meeting on Tuesday nights, so needless to say, I have not been to a meeting in 2 weeks :(.  I have not counted points either...major fail. But I have been very concious of what I have been eating and the scale has stayed the same.

Tomorrow I begin counting points again.

Today, I started Day 1 Week 1 of c25k.  I lived to tell about it too. I survived. It felt like my fat was bruising my own ass however. So gross. I took a picture of myself and I look like jabbathefuckinghut.  So G.R.O.S.S..  If I grow a pair, I will post it some day. Ha. But it definitely is inspiring. I look gross when I am working out, but I have to view it as the fat going out of my body.

I am now SO incredibly sore! Hurts so good?  Not so much! blah! Oh well! I did come home and make a sweet coffee drink...so good!


Happy New Year. I am proud to say I started the new year off with a workout!!! oh yah!

Thanksgiving is in 2 weeks...how did that happen?

Really? 2 weeks? How is that even possible?






So today was to be my day to start c25k...I was dreading it ALL.DAY.LONG. Nervous, worried, doubting myself...the list goes on and on. I bought a small little journal to carry in my purse...everywhere. I am journaling EVERYTHING. When i lost weight with WW I was obsessive about writing down what I wrote, and how I felt.  So I wrote in the journal this morning after packing my lunch. Planned out everything, down to dinner. Step in the right direction. Then those doubts about c25k started. So I did what I always do...texted the BFF and told her that I was doubting myself. Of course she had the best advice.

I will work out for 2 weeks and on Turkey Day I will begin c25k. yes....i will! I made it to the gym and lived to tell about it. I did 30 mins on the treadmill and 5 on the bike. I am not sure why I even do the bike...I hate it. My gym got all new equipment...which is awesome, but they got treadmills that no longer have the fans! BOO! I need that...I am a sweat machine!

I came home and made a super yummy dinner! Chicken Serenada from Trader Joe's, Couscous and asparagus! Yum!                                                                                                                                        

Thankful for...

What could be better...a Chargers win and the CMA's! Sweet! Finally the Chargers played well...for the most part :).
The Fit Camp challenge is now on to week 3. The first week I lost 1.1. Second week I was up .5...grrrr. But  a lot of motivation to kick my butt in to gear!
I went trick or treating last night with "Ariel" and "Spidey Bug".  Lots of fun! Talk about motivation...my sister took a picture of me holding my niece...I look like Jabba the Hut! No seriously....my neck is one big fat blob. SO. GROSS. I am vowing here and now to end this stupidity!

Here is what happened for dinner:

Salad, Flank Steak and Wine! YUM!

Breakfast at the office:

 Hope you all had a happy halloween!

Salad Obsessed!

I am obsessed with salads right now. I am having a big one with dinner and a small side of something to eat. Tonight it was frozen thin crust pizza and  I have to say it was yum-o.
Last weekend I was sick. Flat on my butt sick for 5 days. the great...awesome...news in all of that was that I lost between 8 and 10 pounds! Nice. although it was not the healthiest way...i will take it as a jump start. When I got on the scale this afternoon it said, 262.4, so that is down 5.3 pounds. sweet. my official weigh in day is on Wednesdays due to the Mama Laughlin Fit Camp Challenge. My team is the Hardcore Holly Jolly's! We are going to kick some booty! We start on Wednesday! And somehow I ended up being the team captain...awesome!
Happy Sunday!

Big F.A.T. wake up call!

I do believe I have had my wake up call. I take blood pressure medication and I have seen how my weight directly effects my pressure. I have a dad that has a serious heart condition and I know that I can inherit that from him. But do I do anything about it? No. Not until now that is.

I have had a headache since Sunday afternoon. It has been hot here and I just thought it was the weather and that I need to get my eyes checked. 
On Wednesday, I was at work for about 45 minutes when i started to get light headed, nauseous and shaky. I literally wanted to lay down on the floor in the bathroom. I gave it a little while thinking it would go away. It didn't so I ended up coming home. Long story short, I went to the Urgent Care last night. Basically I think it is my blood pressure. It was really high tonight, I'm talking 150/101. WTF?  I am a poor single girl and occasionally I can not get my prescriptions refilled on time. And so I was off my meds for awhile. The doc explained that that was probably why I have a headache and because my pressure is high. 
I stayed home again today and it is off and on better. I do think I might have a touch of a flu because I am sick to my stomach and sleeping a lot. 
I remember bargaining with God last night that if he would just let me feel better, I would never not take my meds and I would lose weight and work out. 

I honestly am a bit scared to go to my follow up appointment tomorrow. I am hoping my pressure is back down a bit. I hate seeing new doctors and frankly I know that they will tell me I am obese and need to lose weight. I KNOW THAT! 

Now is the time that I will do it. I had already signed up to do an 8 week program with my bff. According to my scale I have already lost a few pounds..,but of course  I do not believe it.
I am not going to let myself feel this way again. SO STUPID.

I have never put my weight out there and I am soooo mortified to do so, but I have to be held accountable. Will you help me?
Starting weight : 267.6

I have made a pinterest craft...what?...yes, I made something from Pinterest! It is a weight loss cup with glass bubbles that represent how much weight I need to lose. I'll snag a picture and post it :) 
I need to go this weekend and stock up on my fruits and veggies from the farmers market. 
I don't think there is anyone out there that reads this, but that is OK, I am doing this for me! isn't that what weight loss is all about? Oh, and because I want to be around for these two beautiful nieces of mine!

Something's gotta give...

Something.Has.To.Give. I have to get my big fat lazy arse to the gym!!! I went on Sunday, but have not gone since. Ugh...what is my excuse, oh that's right, I don't have one!

I am going to do the workout jar. For every work out, I am putting a $1 in my jar.  I have not made said jar yet, but I will this weekend and show it off. Also, gotta show off my brand new purple Nike's!! ;)

Anxiety...you will not kill me

For some reason I am riddled with anxiety tonight. No, that is not true, I know why. I just don't want to admit it to myself. I hate that one person can make me feel so uneasy. That my life feels upside down and not right when that one person is not here at this moment. My stomach is in knots, and all I want to do is cry, but the tears won't come.
This is going to be a long upcoming month. I am excited for the first part...going to Maui. I worry that I won't be able to get out of this "funk" while I am there. I know this shall pass too, it always does, and tomorrow is a new day. I hate those stupid cliches, but I use them all the time. When I don't have an explanation for what is going on in my life or why it is not a different way, I say "it is what it is".  That is total crap. I hate that saying.
I have always felt like I need to be perfect for everyone else and make everyone else happy.
I need to get back to exercising and maybe my mood will improve. All I can do is try and hope for the best. I just need this feeling to go away...and fast!

https://sites.google.com/site/perfectlyimperfectjennsite/files/currentlylinkup.png

I am trying for the first time ever to link up with Jenn at Perfectly Imperfect....love it! Hope this works :)

current book(s) - Does People Magazine count?? 

current playlist - Miranda Lambert "The house that built me", Adele "Rolling in the deep". I love music :)

current color - loving the bright pink and orange sunsets 

current food - I want some pizza!

current favorite show(s) - One Tree Hill ...so sad it is ending! "Hart of Dixie", "Guiliana & Bill".

current needs - to lose weight, to feel better about myselft

current triumphs - no soda today! Made my own coffee for work!

current banes of my existence - just finished a major project, so I am pretty good. 

current celebrity crush - loving the boys on One Tree Hill, Ryan Reynolds

current #1 blessing - my nieces...love them with all of my heart! 

current indulgence - guilty pleasure tv

current outfit - khaki skirt, black sweater

current excitement - to start the 9 week journey of c25k

current mood - good :)

current favorite quote or verse - "I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart" e.e. cummings

current wish list item(s) - some new clothes!

current favorite product(s) - loving my perfume "Feminine" by Dolce&Gabana

Motivation

So the last couple of days have been a little bit of an eye opener for me.  I participated in a 5k in Carlsbad, it was good, but I definately felt fat.  Then last night at the softball game, something clicked inside of me, I got mad, like pissed off mad that people view me as the fat girl.  Now, I know that is making an assumption because I don't view my friends that way, but it is just my twisted way of thinking.
Anyways, I am mad and going to take action...watch out...c25k here I come!

84 in March

I love living in Southern California! 84 degrees in March....yes, please. It was so nice out today. Apparently it was yesterday too but I didn't get out of bed until 11 am, hmmm, musta needed some sleep. So today, I took full advantage and managed to get up and going before 10am. I got my car washed and detailed and sat outside in the sunshine while waiting. Drove down the coast to La  Jolla to go to Whole Foods. Guitly pleasure, but it was just too nice not to see the ocean!
Then it was time to get home and get down to business. I had tons of laundry to do and lots of cleaning.  I ended up re-arranging my living room and bedroom.  2 hours and lots of sweat later, I was happy. Wanted to stay at home and veg out, but went to the gym...the best part...got to watch the last 1/2 hour of the sex and the city movie while walking on the treadmill.  Came home and made a big salad and a black bean chipotle burger..yum!
It has been a great weekend, and sadly it is over! :(
This week is a little bit slower until the weekend. So my workouts will go like this:
Monday - rest
Tuesday - gym, treadmill, bike (no softball game)
Wednesday - gym, treadmill, eliptical
Thursday- rest
Friday - gym, treadmill, bike
Saturday - rest - but will spend the day at a golf tournament, so there should be tons of walking involved.
Sunday - gym

I will let you know how it goes. :)

burn, burn, burn!

Finally went to the gym today and it felt so good! I am always so nervous about going to the gym after I haven't been for awhile. I feel like people are going to judge...oh here comes that fat girl.  silly, I know! :)
I am doing the Carlsbad 5000 - the 5k portion with my bff on April Fool's Day.  Too funny.  So my plan is to allow myself this week of walking on the treadmill followed up by a cool down on the bike and then next week get in to c25k.  I also joined an adult softball league with a bunch of friends. We play on Tuesday nights. i am proud to say that I HIT and made it to first base on my first at bat!! woot woot! I would have never guessed that. I had forgotten how much I love sports and how competitive I am! felt so good to get out there and play!

BURN, BURN, BURN

I made it to the gym today and it felt soo good! I always am embarassed to go back to the gym after not going for awhile.  :( But I did just fine! I am doing the Carlsbad 5000 - the 5k portion on April Fools Day with my bff. should be fun! So I am going to give myself this week to walk on the treadmill followed up by a cool down on the bike. Next week I will get back in doing the c25k to start my training.  It feels good to be exercising again!

Tonight I am headed over to mom and dads to watch the oscar's and have pizza...a tradition with my mom.  I also have one piece of birthday ice cream cake left over! yum!

I have such a bad habit of eating when I am bored. I have NO idea how to change that. I get bored at work in the late afternoon and then suddenly think I am starving....clearly I am not! I need to find some foods that are filling that will help with this a bit more.  This week at work I am really going to focus on eating every 2 hours. And no stopping for coffee until Friday....that should help my wallet too!

I am looking forward to a good week! :)

WW...here we go!

Joined Weight Watchers again today.  Yes, again. Oh, I don't know, maybe the 6th or 7th time.  :(
I am doing it online. I don't really like that I can't find a meeting to go to, but I just can't seem to find one that will fit in to my life and I am not planning on getting up at 7 am on a Saturday...boo.  I am going to buy a ww scale this weekend...does anyone have one? Opinions?

So tomorrow will be my first full day on WW.  Should be exciting.  I am having a hard time adjusting to my lunch break at my new job. For no other reason than, I have a tendency to want to leave for the 1/2hour....I have to figure out some kind of reward system for being able to leave.  hmmmm I will have to think on that.

A month late...

Ok, I am a month late with my resolutions but here it goes:

1. Finish c25k.
2. Run a 5k, 10k
3. Lose 50 lbs
4. Finish kitchen celing.
5. Be happy!

Life just seems to get more complicated as you get older...yes, that is rather obvious, I know.  Anyways, I feel like things are starting over with me, a new job is huge! I love it though.  Now, I just need to work on myself. I went to Sprouts today and bought $55 worth of healthy stuff. I am going to cut out carbs (again).  I am so fat that I don't even think that I can start the c25k at this point.  But my goal is to start it in a week.  I am going to get to the gym this week and walk on the treadmill.  I wish I had a treadmill at home.  I am embarrassed to go to the gym the way I look .

But the fight will go on...

I did it!

I did it! I made it to they gym this morning.  I rode the bike for 45 minutes and did not die! HA!

I had a little set back...hurt my foot/leg, so exercise has not been a priority. My ass getting fatter apparently was!!

Tomorrow I am going to try the treadmill, hopefully my foot will hold up! I really want to start the c25k program again.  I am starting no carbs on Tuesday...until Christmas Eve. We will see how that goes. I think i can do it..I mean I did it before with no problem!! If I falter, that is ok, but I am pledging to not eat any carbs for dinner.   Wish me luck! :)

F.A.T.

Okay folks, I am fat . I mean F.A.T.

There I said it. Now (fingers crossed) I will be motivated to do something about this. I keep thinking, tomorrow I will start. No damn it. You will start immediately.

I am going to the gym tomorrow and starting week 1 of C25k.  This is just ridiculous. I am tired all of the time. I believe this is because I am not exercising.

Ok, so my plan is to check in everyday, and be accountable, even if I am the only one reading this!

Happy Friday...see you tomorrow!

summer summer summer!

It has been awhile!

I can't say that I have been doing anything too exciting. I certainly have not been working out! I am doing ww online and am doing pretty well so far. It has been over 3 weeks and I have lost 5.5 pounds. Not too shabby. 

The summer is coming to an end :( boo. I had to buy a new car over the weekend....stressful, but I am in love with my brand spanking new jetta. I am talking only 40 miles on it when I drove it away! LOVE. 

This weekend my bestie and I are walking a 5k.  We wanted to run part of it, but I failed on that. I am excited to go to the fitness expo though!

I will let you know how it goes...

That Pit

It's been awhile since I posted.
Baby Tess arrived! She is now 3 weeks old and a beauty. I went to maui, had a great time.

Tonight I have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. choices are so difficult and I continually question myself and think I am not makin the right one. I have this horrible problem of second guessing my decisions, if I chose to do one thing, will I miss out on something else? It is so lame and I know it!!! I am just completely and utterly frutstrated with myself.

I wish i was one of those people that enjoyed being alone, and 'discovered" herself.... i have not done that. :(