Wednesday...

It's been a while since I posted. I have been busy and just don't feel like I have had all that much of importance to say. 

I have been working out really hard this week (well, since Saturday...but I am proud).  I have been doing the elliptical for 10, the bike for 20, the treadmill for 20 and the rowing machine for 5.  I am trying really hard to lose weight before I leave for Maui...my shorts do not fit. I have heard that the ellliptical is the best for dropping weight. I have felt like I could go for longer than 10 minutes, so I am going to push myself tomorrow.  I kind of love the feeling of how much I am working out. 

I have been looking around my house and after moving some furniture around, I want to purge. I am going to get rid of some stuff this summer. There is stuff that I know I have not looked at in over a year or needed, so why am I holding on to it.  Hmmmm...that kind of reminds me of life. Get rid of baggage!!!!!

Still no baby Tess. :/ grrrr.

Have a great rest of your week! :)

Waiting on a baby...

So I am about to get very personal here.  I consider this blog to basically be my journal to my self. I don't share a lot of really deep feelings, but I need to put them down at the moment. I am pretty sad. I really believe that no one is ever going to love me. i feel like C was the only chance I had and I will never stop loving him or that anyone else will ever love me.  I just hate where I am in my life. I can't seem to shake it. everytime I think I am getting better and things are going well, that other shoe drops and i go through a really bad period. I have to realize that this too shall pass. I am tired of having these times though. I don't feel like I am strong enough to handle them.  I am just cracking under all the pressure and the lack of support and love. I have a wonderful family and friends, but I need that one person that will love me and I can love back.  I feel like such a whiner for even saying these things, but it is truly how I feel. 
Sometimes I just can not wait for nights to be over, to go to bed so the next day can start.

It makes me so angry at myself when I am sad and there are happy things going on all around me. My new niece should be hear any day and i can not wait to see that precious baby.   I can not wait to see Kate's reaction to her. My heart feels like it is going to burst with how much I love Kate.

That should be enough, shouldn't it?

(sorry for the depresso post!)

June

Wow~
It is June already! Time flies!

This weekend has been super busy.  Here are a few pics from over the weekend. I had a baby shower for my sister at my mom's house. I got these flowers from the farmers market ...

And made these cupcakes and tags...

Red Velvet cupcakes...yum! Plus, I used the canned frosting...has anyone done this? That stuff is A.W.E.S.O.M.E! Anyone could decorate a cake or cupcakes! :) I wasn't too happy with the dyed red fingers though...oh well.

June has started my 21 day challenge....I am challenging myself to 21 days of counting points and working out! By next week I plan to start c25k again.  I am just working out right now. 

I just made the yummiest dinner...baked chicken parmesean (weight watchers recipe...super good!)...steamed broccoli and garlic bread. I really do love cooking.  I have to spend more time doing it.  Good thing summer is coming up!

The only thing I do not like about summer is the re-runs! boo.  I guess I just have to become one with my dvr.  And get a new dvd player! Mine does not work, which also means I can not use my wii right now either. double boo. 

I hope eveyone is having a good first day of June!

Emotional Baggage

Yah, yah...so I stole that title from the one and only Tim McGraw. It really hit home with me tonight. I have so much emotional baggage...and I think it is manifested in the extra weight I carry around. The truth is I don't want to be heavy and overweight. I do know that I use it as a defense, so that no one can see the real me. I have a hard time believing anyone likes me for me. I know...I have issues :) ha!

Today was a weird day...I was doing really well with my points, etc. But then I got this overwhelming anxious feeling this afternoon.  For.No.Reason! Maybe it is stress.

I am super excited to get to the gym tomorrow...
I also can not wait for the 3 day weekend!!! My back is feeling much better, so I plan on being very active...plus the weather is supposed to be grrrrrrrrreat! :)

See ya soon!

Oh jealousy!

Fitbloggin'...I wish I was there! I am slightly obsessed this weekend with reading blogs about the conference. I wish I could go to that...maybe next year?!?!?

This weekend has been busy and lazy all at the same time. I seriously jacked up my back. Such bad spasms. I contemplated going to the er on friday night...but got myself to sleep instead! Insanely painful.  Saturday I went to the farmers market, painfully walked around and got some veggies. then I went to a graduation party for a little bit.  It was also my sisters  birthday, so went out to dinner that night. Lots of eating out.

Today I was lazy.  I spent the morning shopping for my sisters baby shower next weekend. I went by Ross and got two very cute dresses. I am starting to become obsessed with these stores!! :)

I am looking to join a weight watchers meeting on tuesday nights somewhere between Del Mar and here. I have an appointment every other tuesday night, so I figure I could just kill two birds with one stone. I will check in to that in a minute.

Groceries and gas are killing me. Why is it so costly to eat healthy?? 

Is it Friday yet?

I am happy it is Thursday...but come on Friday!!!

I am sitting at my desk, wanting to be outside! It is beautiful...dreaming of riding my bike along the coast! Of course the weather is going to change just in time for the weekend :(. 
It probably doesnt help that a Jimmy Buffett song just came on my ipod mix.

I will be back later with things to be thankful for on Thursday :)

MIA

Sorry for being MIA. I have been busy.  I am shocked to say that I did not turn on my laptop ALL weekend! What?  yes, really :).  It kind of felt nice. 

I hope you all had a great mothers day...we went to brunch at Pala casino...yah, not so good for the diet.  But I did very well! I didn't go to the gym all weekend....loser...too bad it is not a weight loser!

I am using SparkPeople to help me with keep tracking of what I am eating.  Tomorrow I am off to the gym. I got my errands out of the way, so I have NO excuse!

I just found out that a precious little 6 year old girl who has been battling cancer lost her fight tonight.  I can not even begin to imagine what that family is going through. I am happy for Claire who is now in a very happy place with Jesus.  It just sucks for those left behind...life is not fair sometimes.
I am going to leave you with her favorite saying ..."there's always something to believe in".